These are the funniest conversations in Joe Rogan history so who better to start With than the legend Theo Von who had Joe Rogan in stitches whilst talking About hats the worst is if you're Jerking off with a hat on bro you're Going to hell yeah That's the most French thing you can do Jacking off limbs straw Kentucky Derby House Yeah what's the worst hat to jack off Probably a top hat because you have to Balance yourself One of them Chimney Sweep hats [Music] The best would be one of those Chinese Hasbro because if you squat down low and Up to the ground you can almost hide Under it and jerk off yeah The most confusing would be like one of Them Daniel Boone raccoon Deeply introspective discussion was Certainly life-changing however it had Nothing on the story that Joey Diaz told About the time he farted on the bus on The way home we got on the bus and when We were waiting there my stomach started Hurting well let me just take a chance Good move and I blew this fart Joe Rogan That was so bad right we were on a bus And people started running you know School buses people started running to The windows right to swing down the bus Windows but here's what got better I
Fought it again and the teachers were Going oh my God he's changing flavors They're crying that's how bad it smells They were sitting in front of the Busy flavor what are the teachers oh my God he's changing flavors that's how bad These farts were that's your next T-shirt oh my God he's changing flavors However it was Elon Musk who showed that Sometimes the funniest moments can come From the most serious questions we Should do a flamethrower does anybody Tell you no does anybody go Elon Um Maybe for yourself but selling a Flamethrower the liabilities all the People you're selling this device to What kind of unhinged people are going To be buying a flamethrower in the first Place do we really want to connect Ourselves to all these potential Arsonists Yeah it's a terrible idea terrible I Shouldn't buy one I don't I said don't Buy this flamethrower don't buy it Don't buy it that's what I said but Still people bought it yeah there's Nothing I can do to stop them I said don't buy it it's a bad idea how Many did you make twenty thousand And they're all gone In three I think four days on the Opposite end of the spectrum Theo Von Was able to show that funny moments can
Also come from the stupidest Conversations like if a plane crashed I Already know I'm planned ahead dude I'd Eat a Vietnamese guy Um I mean I did a fast for like four Days and then I was at the Best Buy and I remember this Vietnamese guy was Trying to help me out and I couldn't Even hear him I was so hungry And I couldn't and I remember thinking If everybody turned the other way for a Second I could eat this young fella you Know then his name was Ben actually over There in Westwood Um but and I never thought it's so Ridiculous well I mean I think if you Gum down a V8 people aren't going to be That upset at you These people are going to be super upset What are you talking about somebody's Dad yeah they're sacrifice they're more Understanding of things dude is this a Character you're playing no but if you Eat a black dude you eat a black lady And her family's there they're gonna be Pissed so you think a Vietnamese person Will let you slide I think that they'd Be much more forgiving over a couple of Day period Vietnam is one of the few Places where Americans can go back to Vietnam they don't seem to hold any Grudge at all exhibit a An exhibit amen honestly Theo's style of Comedy seems to work perfectly in a
Podcast setting so much that we could Probably dedicate an entire video to his Legendary one-liners like when you put a Condom on and then the other person's Just still looking at their phone you're Like oh this is weird yeah man I never Wanted to be a fish man my whole life I did Yeah I wish there was more ways to sleep A lot of people don't want to think Anymore man but did it I wonder if People ever wanted to think you know This is probably the smartest Conversation I've been involved in in Maybe months well it's that time of year It's spring people are refreshed it's The middle of the winter yeah it's Freezing Cola it's just January whatever You guys don't know you guys aren't Open-minded that's what I think if You're wearing a wig I don't think You're running anymore though I think some things you got to let go However as was shown in this episode With Andrew Schultz sometimes it's Joe Who comes out with the best one-liners Yeah so many women are like judging us On our first nuts Listen back in the day you had to come Quick because a leopard might eat you Foreign But if we want to go back to hilarious Stories then it's almost impossible to Go past Joey Diaz talking about the time
His friend made french fries he decided To make french fries so he put the pot Out those pots you can bring it home With the hot oil and it would boil and You could throw french fries America Went crazy over well he did heroin and Not it up that thing went on fire I wake Up boom and alarms and awesome coats Waking me up and we go out of the house And the father's outside the grandmother And fire trucks are coming from the side Laying water and they got the sirens in The middle of War there's a Tate in the Morning we all look around and go oh my God Amy was still in the house bonehead Was still in the house on fire bro they Turned the fire off they go in he's Filled with his feet up With his hands bro Oh my God everything when they woke him Up he goes on my fries ready This is how crazy this family was oh my Fries ready However Joey Diaz isn't the only person On Joe Rogan to tell a classic story on The topic of food I went to this gas Station the other day and the manager or Something comes out and he's like hey Man I'm a fan you know nice guy and he's Like I just want to let you know we got Fresh bread inside fresh baked pizzas we Bake everything right okay so right Right that's my first thought I'd just Been inside okay there's nothing fresh
In this joint Nothing in there nothing nothing in There ever even knew an animal right or A garden zero percent chance bro so now I have to pretend that I'm smelling like Pie So you just get in small town you know Smaller City stuff like that he pulls Out Pop-Tarts because he just made them Then there was the time that Stevo Talked about his living situation even Though I rented four apartments in the Building because one was a skate park Yet as always seems to be the case Theo Von backed this up with an equally wild Story about his apartment and one time I Was making a smoothie you know and I Thought I thought I heard something Outside right which is kind of weird to Even think of when you have a blender Going right so I'll leave out of my Apartment to go in the hallway lock Myself out with the blender going 2 30 in the morning coked up out of my Brain right now I have to go to my Landlord dude who lives right down the Hall and tell him like Hey Man 2 30 in The morning I got locked out the blend Is on son oh my God he must have hated You oh the blender shorts out and smoke Happens the fire alarm starts going off In the building right as I'm at his door Knocking right oh my God so now he's Pissed and he's like what's going on and
I didn't know what to say I told that I Was throwing a late Christmas party dude Into January how old was he at the time Huh oh this is two and a half years ago I was 35. So he comes back to my apartment right He unlocks the door there's nobody in There Although there was nothing that Perfected the combination between funny And epic quite like Tim Dillon's rant About the future of humanity nothing Will ever be funnier America will come apart in one of the Funniest ways you'll die laughing Literally you'll dilate you'll die but You will be laughing Um it will be the most absurd and insane Thing it will be out of a dystopian Horror movie and no it'll never be it Won't be funnier than than America Because we're a crazy country And with full of crazy people and Everybody's just trying to suck the last Few dollars out of this bloated Pig Corpus corpse of an Empire before the End and I'm no different but make no Mistake I mean if I'm wrong and I'd love to be Wrong but if your attitude or your idea Is that the population is going to get Smarter healthier and more adapted Problem solving you're on crack Hahaha